Raising ADHD: Real Talk For Parents & Educators

After-School Meltdowns and ADHD: A 3-Step Plan Parents Can Start Tonight

• Dr. Brian Bradford & Apryl Bradford • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Decoding the dreaded after-school meltdown doesn’t have to feel impossible. In this episode of Raising ADHD, we're explaining why after-school restraint collapse happens, what’s going on in the ADHD brain (executive function fatigue, sensory overload), how stimulant medication rebound can play a role, and a 3-step after-school routine you can start tonight.

In this episode, you’ll learn

  • Why ADHD kids melt down after school
  • What’s happening in the brain
  • Stimulant wear-off and rebound
  • The 3-Step After-School Plan (use tonight)
  • Parent scripts that reduce conflict
  • Homework without battles
  • Co-regulation for calmer evenings

Resources Mentioned

Grab the 3-Step After-School Meltdown Plan checklist: raisingadhd.org/meltdown

Disclaimer

This podcast is educational only. Always discuss medical or medication questions with your child’s provider.

Subscribe to Raising ADHD for weekly, practical tools that work. If this helped, share it with another parent who needs a calmer 4 pm.

Apryl Bradford:

If 4 pm at your house feels like a volcano about to explode, you are not alone. After-school meltdowns are incredibly common for kids with ADHD. Today, we're going to break down why they happen, what's going on in the brain, and we're going to give you a three-step plan you can start tonight. Welcome to Raising ADHD the podcast for parents and teachers raising ADHD kids. If you've ever felt frustrated, overwhelmed or just unsure what to do next, you're not alone. I'm April Bradford, a former teacher and ADHD mom, and, alongside my husband, dr Brian Bradford, a child and adolescent psychiatrist, we're here to give you the clarity, strategies and support you've been looking for. Every week, we break down the misconceptions, answer your biggest questions and share real tools you can use right away at home and in the classroom. So if you're ready to feel more confident and less overwhelmed, you're in the right place. Hey there, I'm April Bradford, and joining me is my husband, dr Brian Bradford. Welcome, brian.

Brian Bradford:

Hello.

Apryl Bradford:

And welcome back to the Raising ADHD podcast. We're so happy that you're here Today. We are tackling one that I know a lot of you are struggling with, and that is the afterschool meltdown. If your house feels like a volcano about to erupt when that 3.30, 4 o'clock time afterschool hits, this episode is for you. We are tackling those afterschool meltdowns and, just so you know, they are incredibly common for kids with ADHD and we're going to break down why they happen, what's going on in the brain, and the best part is, we're going to give you a three-step plan you can start tonight.

Brian Bradford:

Hey, quick disclaimer this podcast is educational only. It is not medical advice. Always talk to your children's provider about medical or medication questions that goes with this episode.

Apryl Bradford:

We're going to be sharing a three-part plan to help navigate those afterschool meltdowns, so you can go grab that at raisingadhdorg slash meltdown. We're going to start with talking about why these meltdowns happen. I'm going to be covering the parent lens of this and Brian is going to cover the medical, the cognitive, behavioral part of it. Think about when you get home from work and when you get home I know that I work from home Brian obviously works out of the home. When he gets home, he's like I just need no one to talk to me for a minute. You know I'm going to go just decompress and think about that. Like we as adults need that and kids need it too. But for some reason we think and I think it's like we think that it's like good parenting to be like oh, how was your day? Tell us all about your day. When you walk in from work, brian, do you want to tell me all about your day?

Brian Bradford:

No.

Apryl Bradford:

He's like don't talk to me.

Brian Bradford:

Don't talk to me. I'm taking a nap, or this is my bathroom break, or my snack break, or just my alone time.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, and when you say bathroom break, I'm going to go lock myself in the bathroom because it has a locking door and I can chill out. No one's going to bug me. So the same is true for our kids. Think about it all day long. Kids with ADHD are working overtime to keep it together. They're having to sit still sit in their desk all day. They're trying to listen, trying not to blurt out. There's all the things that are going on around them, so they're trying to filter that out, navigating. You know just life as a kid, the playground, drama, doing schoolwork that, for some of these kiddos, feels twice as hard for them. And by the end of the day their brain fuel is gone, their gas tank is empty. And if you think about it, on top of that, the schools are loud, bright and crowded. So they have sensory overload. You know they have, like the is it called neon lights, what they have in the school, yeah, fluorescent lights.

Apryl Bradford:

Fluorescent yes, that's the word Fluorescent lights. That's overstimulating to the brain and they're in that all day long. So when we add that social stress and the frustration with schoolwork and being told to sit still and pay attention dozens of times throughout the day, and by the time they walk in your door they are done just like you feel after work. So when you see those tears, the yelling, the slamming doors or the complete shutdown at home, it's not bad behavior. One of my favorite phrases and it's from Dr Becky, she says they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time.

Apryl Bradford:

That's what's happening when they walk in that door after school. It's all that stress and self-control from the school day. It's all of a sudden, you know, like that volcano image. It's bubbling up and it's about to explode. Depending on your kid, they might, you know, be that anger, or it might boil over into the tears and the crying anger, or it might boil over into the tears and the crying. So, brian, that's the environmental, the parent lens of it. What's the medical? Can you tell us, like, what's actually happening in the ADHD brain that makes these meltdowns?

Brian Bradford:

so common Research shows that these ADHD kids are using different brain circuits and where they really struggle is with their frontal lobe. That's the like attention executive functioning lobe, and so they're basically masking all day long. Their executive function is going through the roof all day long relative to what their baseline is, and so it's a lot more difficult. You can imagine this. This is like exercising all day long, except for you're running and everybody else gets to ride a bike. You can still get to the same place. Everybody can be just as fast or efficient or whatever.

Brian Bradford:

It's just it's going to require a lot more energy for these ADHD kids. So when it all gets done, they've been running and everybody else has got to coast along on their bikes and they're exhausted and they're done for the day. Bikes and they're exhausted and they're done for the day. So not only are you having the work that you have to do throughout the day, but you've also got the emotional and the social factors that happen at school that are also exhausting for ADHD. A lot of these ADHD kids are trying to mask, they're trying to hide the hyperactivity or the distraction or things like this in a social setting, and that's also exhausting.

Apryl Bradford:

What looks like a tiny trigger to most of us, you know, like the sibling humming in the car on the way home from school or you gave them the wrong snack or being asked about homework is actually really big to them because they're so depleted. It just can cause this huge eruption.

Brian Bradford:

Right, they're exhausted to begin with, and I mean we've kind of already talked about this in other podcasts. But exhaustion, lack of sleep, this kind of thing, fatigue, basically turns your ADHD into super ADHD, and now it's extra difficult to try and do this. So this is like getting somebody who's already ran way too far being like, oh, by the way, we have one more staircase left, and you're like screw this, I hate this.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, Like I'm done.

Brian Bradford:

I'm done.

Apryl Bradford:

I'm giving up right now and emotional dysregulation is one of those core features of ADHD that you know we talked about in the very first episode about how ADHD the name does a disservice because we just think the hyperactivity, but it's this emotional dysregulation is a core piece of ADHD and about 25 to 45% of kids with ADHD have significant challenges with managing emotions.

Brian Bradford:

Right, that's almost half.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, thank you, mr Mathematician. You're welcome, your mathematician.

Brian Bradford:

You're welcome.

Apryl Bradford:

So their brains are literally wired to have bigger, faster reactions once they're wore out.

Brian Bradford:

Yeah, exactly.

Apryl Bradford:

We're going to give you a three-step plan to implement after school that's going to help them decompress, just like we do as adults. We lock ourselves in the bathroom with our phone to decompress. We're going to give you a three-step plan here. So, brian, do you want to tell them what step number one is?

Brian Bradford:

Sure. Step number one is get them a snack, get them some water and get them to a quiet place, and this cures basically three things that are going to be occurring at the end of school, which is now my energy's gone and I'm overstimulated and I just need a drink. You just need that kind of like that Linus blanket, I call them. I just need my comfort things and to be done.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, and these kids are usually if they're on medication, they probably haven't eaten that much for lunch, if they're on a stimulant and so they're hungry, they're thirsty because, let's be honest, they don't drink that much at school. They're doing other things, so they're hungry, they're thirsty, they're tired, like we've talked about, and so this snack water and quiet is a great first step for them. You don't even have to talk to them. Here's your script we talked about in one of our episodes. The less words, the better. You can tell them. Here's your snack. Sit anywhere you like. I'm right here.

Brian Bradford:

The other thing that happens right at the end of the day for a lot of these kids is that's when the stimulants start to wear off. So they've taken something like a Adderall in the morning or a Concerta in the morning and now is running out right at the very end, and so now I'm hungry, I'm starving, like I've been without food all day long, and that thing that was keeping me my appetite suppressed is now gone and I'm starving.

Apryl Bradford:

So they're hangry on top of everything else too.

Brian Bradford:

They're hangry.

Apryl Bradford:

Yes, and our daughter does this. Her favorite place to go decompress which Brian cannot stand is our bed.

Brian Bradford:

Yeah, Keep in mind this is with water, with food, the odds of one of those ending up still in the bed reasonably high.

Apryl Bradford:

But it works for her, For her yes, hard on the, for her only. For sure, but it's a system that her and I have figured out the works. Now brian comes home, that sends him off the rails.

Brian Bradford:

That's a story for another I'm going to lie in your bed at night like dead tired. You go, pull down the sheets and poof, there's 12 oreos in there six crumbs in your bed 12 12 Oreos worth of crumbs. Yeah.

Apryl Bradford:

Oh, okay. So once you've got them their snack, their water, they've been in their quiet place, let them decompress. We're going to go into step two and that's we've got them in their place and this is now. We're going to decompress and reset. So give them, you know, 20, 30 minutes of downtime before you're like, hey, come do this, let's get your homework done, let's do your chores, all of that kind of stuff. And depending on your kid I mean you know your kid better than anyone but depending on the timing and their medication, this might actually be the best time to do homework if it hasn't wore off yet and they haven't hit the meltdown stage yet. But for us this is definitely what works. For us is we just have that 20, 30 minutes. She goes and relaxes and you can also set up like a calm corner, like a beanbag, a plush headphones. Headphones are another really good thing too. Just noise cancel. Noise-canceling headphones, oh yeah, because then it blocks out. Brian says all the time, I'm just going to put my headphones in with nothing even playing.

Brian Bradford:

Just noise-canceling headphones are magical.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, or, depending on your kid, they may love to just go outside and, just you know, ride their bike, jump on the trampoline, play basketball, walk the dog, whatever it is. That might be their mode of decompressing. So figure that out for your kiddo. And then keep the house quiet and lower the lights. When our daughter comes home from school, I never have any lights on. I mean it's daylight and it's just calm. The curtains are open but it's calm, and make sure you skip the. How was your day?

Brian Bradford:

Right, the last thing you want to do is come in and start talking, yeah, or working, or hey, really quick. Just here's your chore list, real quick. Just hurry and get it done and then you can be done for the night. Yeah, no.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, remember, just like when you come home from work you don't want. Here's your list of chores. Now get started. You just worked an eight-hour day because kids really are working. Their brains are working crazy hard.

Brian Bradford:

That literally happened tonight. I came home and I was like hey, I'll make dinner, and that lasted one pan. And then I was like actually I lied.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, and then I ended up making dinner, even though you know I was good too. So here's your parent script for this part. Remember, the less words the better. So this is your chill time, calm corner, or outside, you choose. And that's it OK. And then step three you want to go into that brain.

Brian Bradford:

So step three is what we call our gentle structure back online, and this is where, basically, you get a visual checklist to start getting the work that you actually have to get done at night to make your night efficient and your next day efficient. So, for example, you have your list of you need to get your backpack ready, you need to get tomorrow's snack ready, you need to get your homework done, and then at the very end of that is where you put your, your free play or your reward for doing this. So it's like here's your checklist, click off these three things and then, once those three things are done, that ends with Legos or whatever it is that you're your final reward for this one that ends with Legos or whatever it is that you're your final reward for this one.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, and a good way to do this is to have a transition with a timer and a choice. So you know, like hey, you have five minutes left Our daughter for her decompression time. She plays the iPad and I'm totally fine with that. And so you know and I'll tell her, like hey, you have five minutes left and then we need to do your homework or we need to do your spelling, um, and you can tell that. Tell them, like you have five minutes left, do you want to finish your coloring or do you want to build one last lego step? Like I'll say to her, like hey, you have five minutes, choose your youtube video, finish coloring. She loves to color on.

Brian Bradford:

Procreate, like, finish coloring, whatever it is you're coloring, and then we're gonna go do your homework right, and that little heads up warning keeps the emotional dysregulation check, because otherwise you have the timer and it's instant rejection. It's my good activity just ended and it was a complete surprise, but when it's oh, I got five minutes left. Okay, now it's on my mind. I'm mentally preparing myself that I'm going to be done playing Legos, I'm going to move on to homework.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, exactly. And one note about homework. Do homework in short bursts of time 10 to 15 minutes, then five minutes movement and then stop if their tank is clearly empty.

Brian Bradford:

Yeah, staring at the paper is still like mentally fatiguing, even though nothing is actually happening. So you're just you're wasting your time at that point.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, and I would say that's refilling your tank yeah, I would say that's for the inattentive type of staring. The others are like yelling and screaming. Yeah well, yeah, all right, let's jump into some troubleshooting, because this sounds great, but we know that things don't always turn out like the hypotheticals right. So if they explode as soon as they walk in, hand them a snack and headphones and just skip talking.

Brian Bradford:

Yeah, for sure. That's the time to decompress.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, and just here you go.

Brian Bradford:

The only thing that makes an explosion bigger is another explosion. So if you're exploding on them, they're exploding right back and it just it's just going to escalate. It's fire with gasoline.

Apryl Bradford:

Yep. So if they always crash at the exact same time each day, Brian, can you take this one?

Brian Bradford:

Sure. So this consistent when you have that explosion or that meltdown right at the same time every day, this can actually be the medications, because they're fairly consistent on how fast they work and how quickly they wear off, and so you basically have like a neurochemical crash where you're assuming it was working and now it's suddenly not, and this big switch can feel uncomfortable and and you're also going from being on medications to being off medication.

Brian Bradford:

So you get more emotional ability, you get more irritability, you get more hyperactivity or tears short tears, defiance, all these, all these things that uh kind of come off as like super ADHD. If you're getting this is likely medical and not behavioral, go talk to a provider because this is things that can be adjusted with medication timing or adding like an extra booster in the afternoon, or switching to a longer acting formulation or even different doses of those formulations. These things can all help minimize that medication rebound. The important thing if meltdowns happen like clockwork, it's worth a med check. You don't have to live with the crash.

Apryl Bradford:

Such a good reminder. Sometimes it's the brain, sometimes it's the body, sometimes it's the timing. Either way, there are real fixes that you can implement. So if homework is always a battle we touched on this a bit move it later or break it into chunks and talk to the teacher about reducing the workload. And sometimes it might be. Depending on what time your child goes to school and what time they take their medicine and stuff and maybe they're a morning person moving their homework to the morning might be a better situation for you. So just you know, play with that and see how you can get that to work.

Brian Bradford:

Another tip if they shut down instead of blowing up, this is the time that you can actually sit nearby, offer presence and not pressure, but just be near them. This may be that now they're socially depleted and and need your closeness yeah, some kids want that like physical touch.

Apryl Bradford:

I don't want to be talked to, but I just need a hug or a snuggle to refill that gas tank a bit yeah, the social experience at school is very much like a like a friendship basis, especially in the elementary kids.

Brian Bradford:

It's very much a friendship basis and there's very little like love or like compassion kind of thing that happens with parents and so you have you have like a different relationship there and now they need a different kind of social atmosphere yeah one of support, understanding and everything's gonna be.

Apryl Bradford:

Yeah, just give me the hug. And if siblings trigger the meltdown because we all know siblings can annoy each other for everyone, create a 20-minute quiet arrival zone Like okay, here's everyone's snack. Go to your corners or go outside.

Brian Bradford:

A lot of these tips work with neurotypical kids too.

Apryl Bradford:

Oh, 100%. That's what I love about tips for kids with ADHD is they actually work for all kids and they're good for all kids, right, yeah? Another thing to remember because this can be hard too, especially if you're the one who just got off work and now you're picking up the kids and they're having an emotional breakdown and you haven't regulated yet is regulate yourself first. So that's where it might be really good to have just the whole family. We walk in the door, we get our snacks and we go to our own corners for 20 minutes and just do our quiet thing. So regulate yourself first. Keep your voice low, like we talked about. Use as few words as possible, nil to their level and then validate and then guide. If your day drained, you snack, then quiet, I've got you.

Brian Bradford:

Right and the easiest way to make sure that you or that your child's regulated is for you to go and regulate it. And this is kind of that fight fire with fire that we talked about. I mean, fighting fire with fire creates a bigger fire.

Apryl Bradford:

So when you go in there hot, your child goes in there hot, it's about to be a big explosion. Yep, but if you can regulate and then let them regulate like they'll.

Brian Bradford:

They feed off of you yeah, you, you think this is going to be like a fight and one of us is going to win and the other one's going to bow down.

Apryl Bradford:

But no, no well, it's just like know newborn babies, like they, if the mom is stressed or the parents are stressed, like the baby has a hard time calming down because they feel the emotion, right, it's the same thing as even as our kids get old. Let's recap Number one remember your child isn't giving you a hard time. They're having a hard time, they're exhausted, they're depleted, just like you are after work. And so let's everyone regulate together with our three-step plan. Brian, do you want to recap those three steps?

Brian Bradford:

Step one the snack water, your drink, whatever and quiet time. Step two decompress and reset. This is your 20 to 30 minutes before you start the chores homework, stuff, like this. And then step three is your gentle structure. When you're coming back online, keep the visual checklist, keep a timer so that they know when their fun time's about to end, and then keep your homework in those short bursts 10, 15 minutes.

Apryl Bradford:

Perfect. We'd love to hear, if you try this, how it works for you, and we're sharing tips and strategies like these all the time on our Instagram account at RaisingADHD underscore org. So come, follow us on Instagram, hang out with us there and try one of these today and let us know how it goes. So if you enjoyed this episode and you got anything from it, we'd love for you to number one subscribe so you don't miss the next one, and please share this with your friends. Like we said in the episode, these tips don't work just for neurodivergent kids, but for our neurotypical kids too. So share the love, my friends, and we will see you here next week. Same time, same place.

Brian Bradford:

Thanks so much for joining us for today's conversation on raising ADHD. Remember, raising ADHD kids doesn't have to feel overwhelming. Small shifts can make a big difference. If you found this episode helpful, it would mean the world if you would hit subscribe, if you would leave a review or if you shared it with another parent or teacher who needs this support. And don't forget to join us next week for more real talk, practical tips and encouragement. Until then, you've got this and we've got your back.